RUINING FREDDY
Freddy, is a person whom I have known for just over two decades. Like A Spanish grandee from the pages of history his physical appearance does not disappoint neither does his illustrious career in Psychiatry in Canada. There are handfuls of international venues where he has delivered papers and crusaded for the rights of emotional suffering. If this is not enough he is a first rate poet, the author of a massive cookbook and now a galloping memoir. We have, in my previous home stamped a passable flamenco together. on the living room carpet. Ouch!
I cannot divulge his name. I use the slangy nick name and and he responds. Thank heavens. The secret is that Freddy is ten years older than me and although he has played both peer and mentor i have scores to settle with him. I put him in a book, have even reviewed his cookbook and fed him countless meals. He insists that buried within me is a monster child which often makes me misbehave. and I have either insulted him or hurt his feelings. My wide eyed ‘WHO ME/” does not impress him and naturally I am dying to get a glimpse of the monster child but only in secret.
Freddy recounts many anecdotes from his earlier days. One stuck with me and has provided me with a mission which could dictated by the inner monster child but its early in the game.
As a young intern completing his Psychiatry specialization in England he talks about the social life of Doctors.
“There was this group of four beautiful Spanish girls who were overheard saying
“ lets just ruin these doctors by insisting that they take us to the most expensive restaurants. “
They had, according to Freddy, all the right equipment. Dark haired beauties dressed impeccably wearing high heels and even stunning hats. The young doctors were cannon fodder as were their meagre allowances. Debts piled up and ruination was at hand.
Freddy has on numerous occasions invited me for lunch in our neighborhood which teems with restaurants. I am always his guest, however the places are decently priced even in these times. I am lazy and drive everywhere, sometimes i pick him up and on others we rendezvous at the restaurant. When the bill arrives I ask Freddy if I have ruined him. He laughs and says
“Not as yet my dear.”
“ You are lucky as they do not offer Beluga Caviar or Krystal Champagne” I tell him and he laughs some more.
“Well the mission is to ruin you Freddy.”
“You can’t I have a lot of money with a private retirement investment income which is constantly growing.” he is quite smug.
Freddy hails from an era which relies heavily on traditional chivalry. The lady is always a guest and the gentleman only too pleased to host her. God forbid the vulgarity of the equal rights fifty fifty scenario rears its head. Civilization would come tumbling down. But this is 2024 and chivalry along with unacceptance of male misogyny and discrimination have gone bye bye. If we don’t know what sex we are how can the silken skeins of male chivalry be unravelled and even recognized?.
I am guilty as well, as in my smoking days the man who swiftly lit my cigarette or held open a door for me always re-assured me and still does. The phrase ‘the pleasure of your company’ is tied in to the intracasies of male DNA. That protective shoulder, the tell tale male flush of pride are like hazardous waste now; wrapped and put away like recycled bins where something goes down a hole and never seen again. Meanwhile I still have to ruin Freddy. Its a point of principle. He is asking for it and getting quite smug about my inability to break his bank. Last time i was so desperate to make a dent that at half past noon I ordered a meat dish which was the highest price entre on the menu sitting in a cradle of exotic and unrecognizable vegetables. The choice cut of meat sat like a water buffalo in my chest and breathing became a hazard. Not before i ordered a tiny pot of bitter chocolate mousse with two spoons. It was to mitigate the thimble sized dessert’s obscene $12 price. Freddy had a morsel on a demi-tasse spoon and then lost interest. He was most solicitous about inquiring how i liked my lunch as he slid a very expensive black credit card to the server.
I do not entertain in restaurants instead I cook and invite my friends for dinner at my home. Given the obnoxious price of groceries these days this has become a juggling act. If three days supplies are used for one meal then scrambled eggs and toast could wind up being dinner one day. I cheerfully opt for this penalty. The content faces of pals at my table give me pleasure. Deeply engrained in me is a cultural imperative. It is the guest who brings honour to the host. Hence the offerings on the table cannot ever be sparse. Returning hospitality is also a code of ettiquette which cannot be violated. Yet it is violated shamelessly socially. So guest lists continue to shrink and people meet in restaurants and pay separate bills. All the pleasure of an outing reduced to hawk eyed calculations on combined bills.
The male spirit which I find eternally appealing could well be vanishing. Non- Binary and the web of Pronoun change could be the culprit but this is the order of the day. We salute progress and sometimes eavesdrop on public conversations. One of my feeding grounds is my slick health club where stunning young women in very expensive workout clothes bemoan men.
“He is too cheap. He does not like to spend money. I don’t want to go out with a guy like him. Yeh he is cute. Too bad.”
Somewhere in our modern maelstrom women still wish to be cossetted but are they also plotting ruination as well. Publicizing the shopping list of the wealthy has crept into our popular media. From film stars to business tycoons a group of women are merrily ruining their males. A tasteless wedding in India recently, which drew an international guest list and the singer Rihanna, saw fist sized emeralds cascading down the throat of the mother of the groom to be. Meanwhile the children of Gaza starve and do not have medical attention. These are not the ladies who belong to the more light hearted and socially evolved ‘lets ruin the men ‘ club.
Finally back to Freddy who is dashing off to Madrid so among other things he can refine his hand kissing charms I feel a change of tactics is indicated. $200 orchestra Ballet tickets may be the way to go. ‘Nil Desparandum’